dime a dozen

Oh, I’m sorry, let’s start over. I don’t mean to be insensitive but I mean c’mon what’d you expect. Right, you thought you were something special and he was going to leave me – after all these years and him bragging about our son and me to all your coworkers – and you were going to, what, take my place and be a little happy family with my son. Obviously he’s not trying to take a chance at getting you knocked up, I mean that’s the only reason it dawned on me that he was at it again – the obvious cum sprays on his boxers and pajama pants he wears as thermals (that I bought him for Christmas, jerkface) so even with the slim to none chance that he could inseminate you because ask his ex-wife (she got his balls before I ever met him) our son is a miracle baby! Oh, I’m sorry he let you believe that he wanted kids with you, ugh he’ll say just about anything won’t he? You realize how inane, no honey, well yes insane as well if we get down to it but no, INANE as in absurd and ridiculous that you are offended and crying to me that my guy played you because you got your hopes up that in getting with a nearly-married man with a family and a newborn to boot you were going to essentially steal my life. Yeah, right, I’ve got it all wrong, you know all about me don’t you? Yep and in my world you’re nonexistent and so shameful of a self-punishment for my guy that he will likely go to the grave before admitting he deceived me, especially for someone like you. Calm down, you don’t even know what I mean by that so don’t go getting all worked up and self righteous again please; I genuinely don’t have to talk to you at all, it isn’t doing me any service in doing so. Okay let me just be brutally honest – you never had a chance, why would you think you did? Do you think you’re the first one? Not by a long shot. Oh but right I am pushing him away and I’m such a – what is it this time do I nag, do I not clean or cook at all or enough for him, am I out there doing him dirty, or maybe I am a charity case with a drug problem and he just can’t bear to be the asshole I’d make him out to be for abandoning me!? Oh! Oh! Am I borderline personality or a narcissistic emotional abuser? Those two give me a real laugh beings as it’s the most fitting case of the pot calling the kettle black as anyone’d ever know. I won’t label him; I’ve got no degree giving me such authority and even if I did I think it’s too easy to deem a person afflicted with either or both of the aforementioned mental health disorders and thus allowing them an excuse for their despicable behavior. He knows right from wrong and how to treat people right; he chooses to ignore his moral compass to fulfill his wants and what he believes are his needs and thus self-righteously his right to pursue in whatever ways he sees fit. He’s a jerk. Oh there, there you’ll be okay. At least you can get a clean break and chalk it up as a lesson learned and it’s only been a month or two… You could be 6 years in and being lured back in with promises of faithfulness and transparent honesty, him selling you on everything you’d been waiting to hear for so long and then when it seemed things couldn’t be any more perfect BAM! that gut wrenching cycle that coincides with him getting cold feet and running scared trying to distance himself so he can’t possibly get hurt because since he’s a cheater and a liar he believes I am too. At least that is how I cope in believing he’s not just a complete asshat that he seems to be in continuing to cheat and lie to me. Yeah, right, sorry back to you….you aren’t the first, you probably, sadly, won’t be the last but you’re all the same, even when he thinks maybe there is something more there, there isn’t, you all mean less than nothing – remember again you are nonexistent and he will swear to that even after being caught in the act. Here’s the real conundrum I can’t wrap my head around: as the cheatess? (He’s the cheater, I’m the cheated, and you’re not a mistress cause he doesn’t have any real feelings or desires for you so…yeah cheatess it will be) as the cheatess, what kind of idiocy runs in your head to 1. allow you to be dumb enough to think that you’re the first or that you’ll actually replace the woman he claims publically (me in this situation) and in this instance has a family with? 2, Why would you want to when he’s a cheater and you obviously know it because well, duh, so why would he all of a sudden be faithful to you? and finally 3. What makes you think you deserve to take my life and interrupt my relationship and family? See when I started dating my guy he was SINGLE which for any woman with any self worth and/or esteem is THE ONLY type of man that you go for. *

*there are those happily ever after seeming stories of the mistress marrying the man who divorces his wife to do so but c’mon think about it every time he goes to work, out with the boys, on a business trip, however the two of you met or got to the point of him breaking his faithfulness to the partner he was lying to and pretending you don’t exist to how well would you be sleeping or worse yet being awake knowing not that he is necessarily but that he could be. . . Maybe instead grow some, learn to love yourself first and believe you’re good enough to not be a man’s shameful secret and stick by this easy rule : if he’s not single (100%) he’s not an option. Cheating is not sexy, it’s cruel and pathetic and you don’t know me and if he didn’t want to be with me he’s not being kept against his will by any means. And don’t forget – according to him you don’t even exist and he would never sink so low. Food for thought.

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