Not sorry Daddy

I’m not sorry Daddy, you’re being hurtful!
You are miserable and lying to yourself thinking anyone cares about you like your kids or other than your family!
And we love you anyway
but still you lie and burn bridges you may never be able to fully rectify.

I aint ashamed, you should be proud pops.
I’m amazing against all the gettin in my own way I’ve been doing.
I’m happy and I’m sober – by choice not force this time around!
I’m healthy and I’M ALIVE!

Not all parents can say that after a much shorter run than your fortunately much loved and cared for by everyone along the way daughter has had, old man. Be grateful not hateful. Free bird – compliment me again please you used to be the father I was always aspiring to be like but you’ve gone somewhere dark and I’m scared for if you’ll come back this time..

I’m still here, I’m still fighting, I make my choices very carefully and I consider so many factors you don’t even know even high my IQ and mental acuity drives me batty!
But I am still standing right, so what are you ashamed of – yourself apparently cause no shame to be had here.

I’m alive father – be proud, take your bow at the part you played in putting the head on my shoulders that made it that way! Or sit down and stew with your hate hurting only you. Choices I choose happiness.
I hit rock bottom on repeat but this time I hit the pavement and ran full speed ahead straight into sobriety!
On my own even with your cowardly disowning of me 35 years after bringing that blue alien baby into the world and nearly fainting!!

Fool you didn’t graduate high school but I’ve never been anything but proud of you!
Props on the GED that shit is legit and I have as an adult appreciate the hard work you put in for us to eat.
I was in college at 16 and knew more than you’ve ever known I did before I was even a teen.
But I’ve shielded you and your sensitivities as much as I can and now you’re showing me I did you no favors and enabled you to underestimate me.

Your wisdom has helped me.
My wisdom and intellect have helped you.
I’ve lived more life than you’ll ever see and I am better for it.
Not better than read it right betterment is a personal journey but we taught eachother that…
Come back from denial and self righteousness; it’s not a good look and we know you like to look good.

You’re self made and work hard.
Well so am I and so do I!
I don’t have shit to prove to you but let me just say real quick:
My daughters are resilient and capable and know I love them even through the bullshit.
They know they cannot ever disappoint me and I will always love them and accept them as they are unconditionally.
Hear that let me repeat in case you miss that UNCONDITIONALLY! Like I love you but you obviously need to pick up a dictionary and read.
So right now I’m letting them be without me because the adults in certain situations are using them and making them lie and stress SO I stepped back and am waiting out the inevitable to come to light because I know I raised them up to be okay and love themselves. We’re never apart in our bonds and our hearts.
OH yeah that country song you used to hate about loving even though the man wasn’t there…

Judgment is ignorance and self hatred; plus a complete lack of empathy, compassion, or humanity.

Being broke humbles me.
I could take money and have it all. I could find me a sugar daddy in an instant but I have integrity and grit and I was raised too proud to beg fo shit!
So I stand with less and my head tall, taking no hand outs and enjoy life living small.

I love you Daddy but be ashamed of your own damn hypocrisy and caring what people who don’t think of you think and in all reality you dislike and have something snide to say about anyway.
Grow up old man
Rejoin me being simply happy spreading love and loving the me my Daddy used to be a huge part of making and supporting.

Until then dueces.
Truth hurts, be humble, eat crow and grow with me!
You’re the only one missing out.
I love you anyway and always but misery is company I’m not keeping.
I’ll miss you while you simmer down, life’s too short and too long to be mad.
I hope that you’re well until we meet again, please don’t make that wait til Heaven.

PS I started this at 2:24 wrote down, edited, added and am about to publish it at 2:40
Just want you to know you aren’t taking up much of my thoughts or my time
I don’t do negativity, I aint mad at ya I’m sad for ya.

Sorry 2:43 my computer froze finding the image for this shit.
Love you father, YOUR DAUGHTER.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: